Here’s SF’s Thao Nguyen & crew to try to remind all of us socked in by inclement weather north and south that in an alternate reality we’re all having a ball at the beach.

One word: penis. Or rather, lack thereof.

I won’t pretend to know for sure the reason that women politicians don’t get caught up in this kind of nonsense. It’s not like women don’t cheat. But I can’t think of a single political sex scandal that involved a female politician.

Maybe there’s not the same kind of hubris brought into the, erm, position. Maybe women are too busy proving themselves on the job. Or maybe young men aren’t attracted to power in the same way young women are, these situations often revolving around the familiar power dynamic of older guys with younger women.

Whatever the reason, others like columnist Robert Scheer have riffed on this phenomenon of arrogance and abuse of power that seems, for now, to be distinctly male, and there could be something to it.

Anyway, what a sad waste. Edwards always seemed a bit slick to me (and that’s from someone who can easily tolerate Bill Clinton!), but he DID try to advance a populist agenda during his campaign, and his theme of two Americas was spot on.

Problem was, dude, just ‘cos there’s two Americas doesn’t mean double the hot young chicks. It’s pretty astounding that Edwards had the stones to do this smack dab in the middle of a presidential campaign. It’s kind of like winning the gold medal in the Scumbag Olympics.

And let this be a lesson to the rest of ya – the world is watching! (And by the world I mean the National Enquirer.)

Anyway, isn’t it time his website went the way of the dodo? Geez.

UPDATE: Jeff points out that there are exceptions to this rule, true true.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_o-wLpBQNlg

Oh, the challenges of being an assimilated half-breed Mexican. One must constantly deal with messages of racial insensitivity while bracing for inevitable cultural oversensitivity.

File this one under the latter.

How on earth anyone could construe Orbitz’ “Valet” ad as the former is beyond me. This is what counts for controversy these days? The source of the comedy is the GRINGO, mi gente. The Hernandez’ in question are obviously depicted as upper middle class at worst (they ARE at a place where valet parking is available, after all), and in manner and depiction are no different than gueros.

So where’s the controversy? I don’t know if the company was under external pressure to edit out the pluralization punch line, but edit it out it did, and AdFreak hit the nail on the head in terms of the marketing perspective and how it was a sucky decision. When you’re trying to do cool ads (and I’d argue these have been decent in pre-edit form), whatever cool quotient you gain is not only lost from such a over-reactionary decision, but you actually lose ground.

I think as racial relations and perceptions shift over time, and minorites become not-so-minorities, we need to be carefel not to create controversy just for the sake of it. This won’t be easy for organizations and institutions whose entire existence is owed to centuries of what might charitably be called intentional misrepresentation.

Nevertheless, when it gets to the point that gringos can’t even make jokes that most Mexicans find funny without hearing the same grousing and groaning that was relevant decades ago, those complaints become more oppressive than the assumed bias they seek to “expose.”

And if the best they can do is call out a commercial that shows two attractive Hispanics (hello, as commented on rather more coarsely in the YouTube comments section, Mrs. Hernandez is h-o-t!) acting totally normal, for better and for worse, we might be closer to that point than we know.

I think I’m kind of excited.

Public Image Limited! (Back from the grave!)

Faith No More! (Also back from the grave!)

Orbital! (Also too back from the grave!)

Sly and the Family Stone! (Not so back from the grave, but still, whoa!)

Massive Attack managed to put out one record in the last decade, so maybe they’re getting a jump start on the ’10s with this new one, which features another roster of interesting guests, like Mazzy Star’s Hope Sandoval.

Some are saying the usual Massive Attack elements are on display, but fans who have been paying attention will note the return of Daddy G to the lineup, and not just on paper. Particularly on this track, “Paradise Circus,” you can really tell he’s back on board. This is much less histrionic and bombastic than most of the stuff Robert Del Naja and Neil Davidge have been putting out during Daddy G’s haitus.

Noam Chomsky once noted that for one to be a great purveyor of propaganda, one must truly believe the spiel one is espousing.

If you attach this ethos to marketing, I must be great, based on my ability to be manipulated by an industry in which I’ve made a living.

Case in point: while staring at Jell-O’s new Mousse Temptations spot, I thought, “What a great idea. Yum.” Good job, Jell-O! Pavlovian response achieved, on a copywriter no less!

Moments later, I remembered my enthusiasm for Yoplait’s similar whipped yogurt line (yes, I guess I kind of like that fluffy style). Then I remembered a friend noting that it was a brilliant rip-off by Yoplait, in that all they did was pump a bunch of air into their existing product and sell it to you at a higher price per volume.

Drat! Foiled again!

But apart from the fluffy consistency of the new “mousses,” Jell-O is using a nutritionally responsible tack to position its new product line, tapping into the “Snackwells” market that’s actually thrived since even before my mom ate those unfortunately (in retrospect) named diet candies called Ayds back in the ’70s.

And is all this such a bad thing? Sure, if you’re a tub o’ lard hell-bent on inhaling the world one grocery aisle at a time (like I was most of my life, by the way), you’ll just eat twice as much of it. Jell-O can’t stop you, and they’d be wise not to try to, as you have great hunger, massive bulk, and sharp teeth.

But Americans want to do what they’re told when it comes to consumerism. And while this means they’ll unconsciously eat a bigger McValue meal just ‘cos they paid for it, it also means a cup of pudding is still a cup of pudding, regardless of what it weighs. And some won’t bother to break open a second cup. (A fridge too far!)

Maybe that’s as close to progressive social engineering as we should expect from Jell-O.

I’m man enough to admit that this one had my wrigglin’ me bum a bit. Which is a good thing, ‘cos I tend not to like January very much. Holiday hangover, bleak weather, blah blah blah.

Domino’s Pizza is starting the new year with a rather startling ad campaign that confronts their greatest perceived weakness in the marketplace.

They suck, and always have.

After decades of providing an inferior product at low prices to great success, the chain’s new ads depict employees looking like they’ve been stabbed in the heart when greeted with the news that their crust is almost legendary in the American psyche for tasting like cardboard.

I’ve seen some bold rebranding efforts in my time (the little old lady blowing up the old Jack in the Box comes to mind), but I’m racking the old noggin to think of one like this, where the brand isn’t rebooted so much as the actual product line itself.

I’m kind of into it, and would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when Cripin Porter & Bogusky pitched the idea to the head muckety-mucks.

I guess because I worked for a company that followed an incomprehensible Dick Cheney model of marketing (“We know that YOU know that we don’t care, and we don’t care.”), but I like the straightforwardness of acknowledging your Achilles’ Hell and pledging to do something about instead of the silliness of pretending it doesn’t exist. Especially for such a well-known brand and such a well-known weakness.

Its competitors have basically had the luxury of running perpetual, decades-long campaign themes based on Domino’s well-earned reputation for crappiness. I haven’t tried the new recipe, but if the chain actually DID make a major improvement in quality, how on earth would Round Table position itself?

And if it doesn’t, at least they look like they’re not clueless about how they’re seen in the public and are attempting to do something about it.

Not that they have much of a choice, according to Forbes.

Domino’s has had its share of criticism this year. The ad effort is the largest from the company since two then-employees in Conover, N.C., filmed themselves preparing sandwiches for delivery. One employee put ingredients up his nose and nasal mucus on the sandwiches. It turned into a digital disaster for Domino’s. The video, which has since been removed from YouTube, attracted more than 1 million views and disgusted many consumers.

Apparently, the Booger Supreme didn’t exactly endear Domino’s to hungry sports fans, and Domino’s might not have a choice but to win over heart, minds, and bellies.

The San Francisco Chronicle/SFGate must be desperate, based on their willingness to let Mike Boehm write about Genesis’ recent induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and what it might mean for the genre of prog rock at large.

Not that I’m complaining! I was pleasantly surprised by the piece, but being the narcissist I am (and not having been turned to a flower), I have a couple of thoughts …

After soldiering on proggishly but not that successfully for a couple of albums after Gabriel’s departure in 1975, the remaining members cannily transmogrified (uncanny transmogrification having been a core theme of the band’s earlier music) into a cuddlesome, MTV-ready trio led by that endearing, nonthreatening chap Phil Collins.

To characterize Genesis as middling immediately following Peter Gabriel’s departure works great as a dramatic device, but it’s simply not true. Despite being completely dismissed by the press at the time, the band came out with a great record, “Trick of the Tail,” which was not only their most well-produced work to date, but an enduring fan favorite to this day. This was followed by the biggest shows in America of the band’s career.

Also, Gabriel left in 1975, nine years before there was the chance to BE “ready for MTV.” During that time, the band’s shift in sensibilities was far more subtle than is implied here. “Duke,” the record from which “Misunderstanding” is taken, centered around a proggy song cycle that is among their most ambitious work. Even “Invisible Touch” contained the epic “Domino.” So yay for oversimplification.

I get what Boehm is saying about Tull, though. “Thick as a Brick” may be a crowing achievement (and scathing indictment) in the world of prog, but that doesn’t make them a prog band any more than earning a Grammy for Heavy Metal performance in 1989 made them hair metal.

Oh, ELP. Unless you are just shamelessly devoted to prog, it’s hard to not have a love/hate relationship with them. I love “Brain Salad Surgery,” but I think I’d rather hear Jerry Lee Lewis interpret “Six Gnossiennes” than “Tarkus.”

Once during a road trip with some friends I was listening to “Tarkus” on satellite radio when my friend Charin leaned in from the back and simply said “This is the worst music I have ever heard.” I could crashed the car from laughing so hard.

I know why I love prog rock. But I also know why so many hate it. I’ll say this – when estimating “Tales from Topographic Oceans,” it’s better when you stare at the album art. On a REAL album.

I’m kind of disappointed Boehm has dismissed Kansas as an American prog rock band. He should know better, since I know plenty of people whose thoughts of Genesis go no further than “Tonight Tonight Tonight,” and associating Kansas only with their FM staple hits is just as myopic.

But moreover, what about our favorite tuque-wearing trio … RUSH?

My man Paris been pimping the new Animal Collective EP, “Fall Be Kind,” and since he’s a resident engineer at Interscope Records, I figgered I’d pay attention.

Here’s a track which happens to include the very first legally cleared sample of the Grateful Dead. Dunno how many producers have been clamoring to sample San Francisco’s sons, but I’m not surprised the old dudes are finicky.