Boy, you really have to admire Steve Balls Jobs. Check out what he had to say this morning at the launch of Apple’s new iPad device and how it manifests the company’s gentle foray into the land of e-books.

According to AppleInsider:

Also introduced was “iBooks,” Apple’s e-book reading application. Jobs credited Amazon with pioneering the e-book market with its Kindle, but said Apple intends to improve on that model.

“We’re going to stand on their shoulders and go a bit further,” he said.

Ha! Of course, this is Jobsspeak for “We’re going to stand on their shoulders and poop on their head. Just sayin’.”

Sascha Segan of PCMag wasted no time in writing the Kindle’s obituary:

The new Amazon Kindle DX has a few weeks to live—and the magazine and newspaper industries may not have much longer. As soon as Apple unleashes the rumored iPad, Amazon‘s attempt at hardware design will vanish quicker than Betamax.

He argues that Amazon doesn’t really want to be in the hardware game, and will continue to thrive by selling content which iPad users will still need.

For its part, Amazon argues that the Kindle will likely be vastly cheaper than the iPad, but the fact that cheap MP3 players litter the market without consuming a significant share of it (compared to the iPod) proves that economy can’t beat sexy.

Oh, please believe that I have a very sharp ideology-based opinion about both Tim Tebow’s anti-abortion ad and CBS’ decision to air it during the Super Bowl this year.

But I think I’ll avoid being Cap’n Obvious this time. If you’re familiar with this blog and my other work, your anticipatory assessment will suffice just fine.

What really matters is … why? And I’m arguing from a completely non-political position. Who thinks this is the appropriate venue for such an ad? Sure, proponents of the sentiment will crow that it’s as good as any. But what about the beer-suckin’, chili-chompin’, funny-ad-watchin’ fair weather fan driving the demo?

In other words, what about me, what do I get?

Bupkus. It’s just like last year, when they ran that Zoloft commercial. You know, the one with the sad little guy, the one that stops your Super Bowl party in its tracks? I mean, God forbid your team is getting its ass kicked when that one comes on, or you’ll be putting that nacho down and reaching for a gun.

Also, what about poor Coors Light or E-Trade or whatever advertiser unfortunate enough to get their hilarious spot (meant to launch an entire campaign and costing millions to produce and air) slotted next to the buzzkill ad of the century? Kinda dims the spotlight on your spot when some genius has just introduced the most divisive issue of our time into the collective American living room, right before yours with the talking monkey.

(And spare me with “That’s the point.” If you think valuable dialogue that moves us forward as a nation is gonna happen with bellies full of booze ‘n’ beanie weenies poised before a demonstration of both militaristic violence and supercondensed capitalism, I’ll assume punditry is not your profession.)

Oh well. Luckily, progress has provided a new tool in exercising democracy and speech equity – the DVR. Tebow is no match for Tivo.

However, if they run that ad during the Puppy Bowl, I’ll be REALLY upset.

Here’s SF’s Thao Nguyen & crew to try to remind all of us socked in by inclement weather north and south that in an alternate reality we’re all having a ball at the beach.

One word: penis. Or rather, lack thereof.

I won’t pretend to know for sure the reason that women politicians don’t get caught up in this kind of nonsense. It’s not like women don’t cheat. But I can’t think of a single political sex scandal that involved a female politician.

Maybe there’s not the same kind of hubris brought into the, erm, position. Maybe women are too busy proving themselves on the job. Or maybe young men aren’t attracted to power in the same way young women are, these situations often revolving around the familiar power dynamic of older guys with younger women.

Whatever the reason, others like columnist Robert Scheer have riffed on this phenomenon of arrogance and abuse of power that seems, for now, to be distinctly male, and there could be something to it.

Anyway, what a sad waste. Edwards always seemed a bit slick to me (and that’s from someone who can easily tolerate Bill Clinton!), but he DID try to advance a populist agenda during his campaign, and his theme of two Americas was spot on.

Problem was, dude, just ‘cos there’s two Americas doesn’t mean double the hot young chicks. It’s pretty astounding that Edwards had the stones to do this smack dab in the middle of a presidential campaign. It’s kind of like winning the gold medal in the Scumbag Olympics.

And let this be a lesson to the rest of ya – the world is watching! (And by the world I mean the National Enquirer.)

Anyway, isn’t it time his website went the way of the dodo? Geez.

UPDATE: Jeff points out that there are exceptions to this rule, true true.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_o-wLpBQNlg

Oh, the challenges of being an assimilated half-breed Mexican. One must constantly deal with messages of racial insensitivity while bracing for inevitable cultural oversensitivity.

File this one under the latter.

How on earth anyone could construe Orbitz’ “Valet” ad as the former is beyond me. This is what counts for controversy these days? The source of the comedy is the GRINGO, mi gente. The Hernandez’ in question are obviously depicted as upper middle class at worst (they ARE at a place where valet parking is available, after all), and in manner and depiction are no different than gueros.

So where’s the controversy? I don’t know if the company was under external pressure to edit out the pluralization punch line, but edit it out it did, and AdFreak hit the nail on the head in terms of the marketing perspective and how it was a sucky decision. When you’re trying to do cool ads (and I’d argue these have been decent in pre-edit form), whatever cool quotient you gain is not only lost from such a over-reactionary decision, but you actually lose ground.

I think as racial relations and perceptions shift over time, and minorites become not-so-minorities, we need to be carefel not to create controversy just for the sake of it. This won’t be easy for organizations and institutions whose entire existence is owed to centuries of what might charitably be called intentional misrepresentation.

Nevertheless, when it gets to the point that gringos can’t even make jokes that most Mexicans find funny without hearing the same grousing and groaning that was relevant decades ago, those complaints become more oppressive than the assumed bias they seek to “expose.”

And if the best they can do is call out a commercial that shows two attractive Hispanics (hello, as commented on rather more coarsely in the YouTube comments section, Mrs. Hernandez is h-o-t!) acting totally normal, for better and for worse, we might be closer to that point than we know.

I think I’m kind of excited.

Public Image Limited! (Back from the grave!)

Faith No More! (Also back from the grave!)

Orbital! (Also too back from the grave!)

Sly and the Family Stone! (Not so back from the grave, but still, whoa!)

Massive Attack managed to put out one record in the last decade, so maybe they’re getting a jump start on the ’10s with this new one, which features another roster of interesting guests, like Mazzy Star’s Hope Sandoval.

Some are saying the usual Massive Attack elements are on display, but fans who have been paying attention will note the return of Daddy G to the lineup, and not just on paper. Particularly on this track, “Paradise Circus,” you can really tell he’s back on board. This is much less histrionic and bombastic than most of the stuff Robert Del Naja and Neil Davidge have been putting out during Daddy G’s haitus.

Noam Chomsky once noted that for one to be a great purveyor of propaganda, one must truly believe the spiel one is espousing.

If you attach this ethos to marketing, I must be great, based on my ability to be manipulated by an industry in which I’ve made a living.

Case in point: while staring at Jell-O’s new Mousse Temptations spot, I thought, “What a great idea. Yum.” Good job, Jell-O! Pavlovian response achieved, on a copywriter no less!

Moments later, I remembered my enthusiasm for Yoplait’s similar whipped yogurt line (yes, I guess I kind of like that fluffy style). Then I remembered a friend noting that it was a brilliant rip-off by Yoplait, in that all they did was pump a bunch of air into their existing product and sell it to you at a higher price per volume.

Drat! Foiled again!

But apart from the fluffy consistency of the new “mousses,” Jell-O is using a nutritionally responsible tack to position its new product line, tapping into the “Snackwells” market that’s actually thrived since even before my mom ate those unfortunately (in retrospect) named diet candies called Ayds back in the ’70s.

And is all this such a bad thing? Sure, if you’re a tub o’ lard hell-bent on inhaling the world one grocery aisle at a time (like I was most of my life, by the way), you’ll just eat twice as much of it. Jell-O can’t stop you, and they’d be wise not to try to, as you have great hunger, massive bulk, and sharp teeth.

But Americans want to do what they’re told when it comes to consumerism. And while this means they’ll unconsciously eat a bigger McValue meal just ‘cos they paid for it, it also means a cup of pudding is still a cup of pudding, regardless of what it weighs. And some won’t bother to break open a second cup. (A fridge too far!)

Maybe that’s as close to progressive social engineering as we should expect from Jell-O.

I’m man enough to admit that this one had my wrigglin’ me bum a bit. Which is a good thing, ‘cos I tend not to like January very much. Holiday hangover, bleak weather, blah blah blah.

Domino’s Pizza is starting the new year with a rather startling ad campaign that confronts their greatest perceived weakness in the marketplace.

They suck, and always have.

After decades of providing an inferior product at low prices to great success, the chain’s new ads depict employees looking like they’ve been stabbed in the heart when greeted with the news that their crust is almost legendary in the American psyche for tasting like cardboard.

I’ve seen some bold rebranding efforts in my time (the little old lady blowing up the old Jack in the Box comes to mind), but I’m racking the old noggin to think of one like this, where the brand isn’t rebooted so much as the actual product line itself.

I’m kind of into it, and would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when Cripin Porter & Bogusky pitched the idea to the head muckety-mucks.

I guess because I worked for a company that followed an incomprehensible Dick Cheney model of marketing (“We know that YOU know that we don’t care, and we don’t care.”), but I like the straightforwardness of acknowledging your Achilles’ Hell and pledging to do something about instead of the silliness of pretending it doesn’t exist. Especially for such a well-known brand and such a well-known weakness.

Its competitors have basically had the luxury of running perpetual, decades-long campaign themes based on Domino’s well-earned reputation for crappiness. I haven’t tried the new recipe, but if the chain actually DID make a major improvement in quality, how on earth would Round Table position itself?

And if it doesn’t, at least they look like they’re not clueless about how they’re seen in the public and are attempting to do something about it.

Not that they have much of a choice, according to Forbes.

Domino’s has had its share of criticism this year. The ad effort is the largest from the company since two then-employees in Conover, N.C., filmed themselves preparing sandwiches for delivery. One employee put ingredients up his nose and nasal mucus on the sandwiches. It turned into a digital disaster for Domino’s. The video, which has since been removed from YouTube, attracted more than 1 million views and disgusted many consumers.

Apparently, the Booger Supreme didn’t exactly endear Domino’s to hungry sports fans, and Domino’s might not have a choice but to win over heart, minds, and bellies.